Having an autistic kid: Dealing with Stigma

Reading time: 12-14 min

Table of Contents

1. Introduction (How do you overcome Social Stigmas with an Autistic Child?)
2. Why Does Stigma Exist?
3. How Stigma Affects Parents of Autistic Children
4. The Hidden Struggle: Internalized Stigma
5. Expert Insight: How Stigma Affects Parents & How to Overcome It?
6. Breaking the Stigma: Finding a Support System
7. Coping with Stigma Through Mindfulness
8. Real-Life Advocacy: How to Stand Up for Your Child with Confidence

How Do You Overcome Social Stigmas with an Autistic Child?

Is your child weird?
You should discipline them more.

If you have an autistic child, you most likely hear these statements every day. Public observers stare at your child because they flap their hands during excitement, while transitions cause sensory overload, which leads to visible public outbursts. The negative perceptions of autism create feelings of loneliness and lack of confidence, which strike both parents and kids. In this article, we want to help you overcome these feelings and thoughts.

 

Why Does Stigma Exist?

The rules of a child’s behavior have always presented strict limitations throughout society. Cases of neurodivergence disrupt established behavioral norms, so people choose judgment over compassion when they cannot understand something intellectually.

Autism-related prejudice originates from the following sources:

• Inconsistent information about autism origins continues to circulate through society, even though scientific findings have proved the incorrect nature of these theories.
• The public lacks sufficient understanding of autism since they mainly know only stereotypical information.
• Some people develop a fear of unusual things, which pushes them toward rejecting unfamiliar phenomena versus displaying curiosity.

The stigma connected to autism creates adverse effects that affect autistic children alongside their families and their parents.

 

How Stigma Affects Parents of Autistic Children

1. Social Isolation

Pyszkowska documented that social stigma affects more than 70% of the parents who have autistic children. This leads to:

• Fewer social invitations with friends and family.
• Feeling unwelcome in public spaces.

2. Guilt & Self-Doubt

Multiple bad statements gradually penetrate the minds of parents. Social attitudes towards self-esteem make people conclude they aren’t enough for their role. Even the most potent parents may fall victim to social stigma, which results in bad feelings among others.

Common thoughts parents experience:

• Shame – “Maybe I should be doing more.”
• Guilt – “Am I the reason my child struggles?”
• Self-blame – “Am I failing as a parent?”

Parents dealing with autistic children face elevated depression and anxiety because of negative societal reactions (Farrugia, 2009).

3. Struggles with Schools & Institutions

Many parents need to advocate for their children’s rights in educational institutions. Current educational accommodations for autistic students remain scarce because a significant number of institutions fail to create suitable adaptations, which results in three major problems:

• Parents encounter constant problems when trying to obtain Individualized Education Programs (IEPs).
• Educational professionals sometimes mistake autistic behaviors for intentional misbehavior.
• Parents face criticism from others for the issues their children are facing.
  
  

The Hidden Struggle: Internalized Stigma

Repeated negative input from others makes parents accept these negative statements. The human subconscious will capture these inaccurate messages regardless of actual knowledge.

Common Signs of Internalized Stigma:

• Kindergarteners experience guilt for their public learning challenges.
• Avoiding activities because of fear of judgment.
• The thoughts that enter your mind about being a better parent surface.
• Your self-doubt about advocating for your child appears as one of your symptoms.

Your child represents no part of the issue. Society’s misunderstanding is.

 

Expert Insight: How Stigma Affects Parents & How to Overcome It?

The understanding of stigma and its effects can be found through the research of Dr. Laura Crane, who leads autism studies at University College London (UCL). The research includes autism diagnosis and education along with neurodiversity social perceptions and autism evaluation.

What Does the Research Say?

Dr. Crane’s work highlights:

• Autistic child parents experience greater social discrimination than parents of children who have physical disabilities (Crane et al., 2018).
• Parents become more stressed because of unfavorable social contacts while their confidence in advocating for their children declines.
• When institutions fail to provide the necessary support, parents must assume the role of “warriors” to secure basic rights for their children in education and healthcare.
• Parents who confront stigma by teaching others experience lower stress together with higher confidence compared to those who keep quiet (Crane et al., 2020).

Dr. Crane’s Key Takeaways:

• The dissemination of autism knowledge leads to a permanent reduction of irrational prejudice.
• When parents develop self-compassionate practices, they can effectively manage stigma better.
• Teachers, therapists, and support workers become valuable allies for your advocacy work by extending their support.

Through her work, Dr. Crane demonstrates that gaining knowledge combined with advocacy efforts and self-care practices leads people to overcome stigma effectively.

For more information, visit UCL’s Centre for Research in Autism.

 

Breaking the Stigma: Finding a Support System

1. Online & Local Autism Communities

Membership in a supportive community brings permanent positive changes to your life. Groups like:

• MyAutismTeam – Acts as a worldwide discussion platform where parents exchange their autism experiences in both victory and defeat.
• Autism Support Network – Offers worldwide support resources.
• Facebook Groups – Connect users to many autism support groups that organize real-life meetup events in their local areas.

2. Educating Friends & Family

People show interest in understanding autism even though most fail to do so. Your efforts to teach others can produce surroundings that become more empathetic toward autism.

Try these simple explanations:

• “Autism isn’t bad behavior—it’s a different way of processing the world.”
• “Meltdowns aren’t tantrums. They’re sensory overload responses.”
• “Please be patient—it’s not defiance; it’s difficulty with transitions.”

3. Finding Autism-Friendly Spaces

Businesses and organizations are implementing autism-inclusive policies to welcome autistic customers into their operations. Look for:

• Sensory-friendly events at museums, zoos, and theaters.
• Respectable restaurants with autism-specialized protocols that serve customers with impaired spectrum symptoms.
• Educational institutions that provide training about neurodiversity awareness to all staff members.

If your child's comprehension and feelings are understood during such activities, it can produce stress-free experiences for everyone.

Coping with Stigma Through Mindfulness

The practice of mindfulness gives strong help to manage judgmental instances and self-doubt responses. Coping with stigma can take a toll on your mental and emotional well-being. As parents, it's essential to prioritize self-care and nurture your confidence in the face of societal judgments. Mindfulness and self-expression are key ways to reclaim control over how you feel and present yourself to the world. For a simple way to incorporate mindfulness into your routine, try our free mindfulness story — designed to help you reconnect with your inner strength.

How to Reframe Negative Thoughts?

• My child cannot accompany me to shops because others would make negative assessments of us.
  ✅ The right of my child to be present extends to each individual to the same degree.
• People judge me because of my lack of parenting abilities.
  ✅ I do everything according to my ability because I recognize my efforts to be satisfactory.
• The public views me as a bad parent, but I know I am doing my best to care for my child.
  ✅ The opinions of others cannot determine what my real value ought to be.

The ability to detect harmful thoughts while simultaneously introducing self-compassionate ones will help to reduce stress while building confidence.

 

Mindfulness Exercise: Self-Compassion Meditation

1. Find a spot where there is no noise.
2. Focus on your breath by closing your eyes.
3. Begin repeating affirmations:
   • "I am doing my best. Every aspect of my child continues to be splendid because it exists exactly as it should. You and your child deserve all kindness and respect."
4. Visualize your child along with yourself being enveloped by a warm, protective light that represents your love.
5. End the meditation by opening your eyes, stretching, and taking this self-compassion forward with you.

Regular practice helps restructure neurological processes, which improves your ability to handle stress.

 

Real-Life Advocacy: How to Stand Up for Your Child with Confidence

The fight against stigma brings the most difficulty because parents must repeatedly describe and protect their child's needs.

Advocating in Public Spaces

What do you typically choose when individuals stare or speak unkindly to you and your child?

✔ Option 1: Ignore & Move On
When people outside your inner circle do not impact you, then you have no obligation to provide any explanations. Their opinions about you never become your responsibility because you hold no obligation to defend yourself from their judgment.

✔ Option 2: Educate Gently
A person who shows openness to learning can benefit from a non-stressed clarification.

✔ Option 3: Set Boundaries Firmly
You have the liberty to terminate the interaction with aggressive or rude individuals, or you can choose to answer them directly. The way your child acts does not require any kind of explanation to anyone.

Advocating in Schools

Inside the educational environment, parents encounter ongoing difficulties because of discrimination against their children. A lack of familiarity exists among school administrators and teaching staff when it comes to serving autistic students properly.

📌 Know Your Child’s Rights
Public institutions require research about autonomy regulations, which include IEPs and 504 Plans. Your child has legal rights to school support according to educational laws, and you should remind school officials when possible to fulfill their duty.

📌 Document Everything
The documentation of emails, meeting notes, and assessments serves to support the proper execution of steps. Ascend all concerns to higher officials when appropriate.

📌 Build a Partnership, Not a Battle
The teaching staff wants to help students with autism but lacks training in working with autistic children. Treat them as equally important collaborators instead of taking them as hostile competitors. Forming a partnership will help develop learning strategies that benefit your child's education.

Advocating in Medical Settings

Autistic children face challenges with their parents finding recognition from healthcare providers during their medical appointments. The lack of neurodiversity training among healthcare providers results in numerous problems, including diverse misinterpretations, mistaken diagnoses, and ignored legitimate problems.

Some parents hear statements like:
❌ “He’ll grow out of it.”
❌ “The problem can be solved through harsher discipline methods.”
❌ “It seems to be nothing more than a temporary development.”

Parental delays regarding vital interventions and self-doubt become potential outcomes of these responses. As the person who knows your child the best, you maintain the right to have your concerns addressed.

To guarantee proper medical care for your child, you must follow these effective advocacy strategies in medical environments:

1. Find an Autism-Friendly Doctor

Some pediatricians, as well as specialists, do not understand what neurodiversity represents. Professional knowledge about autism is insufficient for some doctors, and they fail to acknowledge autistic children's distinct requirements.

📌 How to Find the Right Doctor?

• Other parents with experience, autism support groups, and advocacy organizations typically have information about doctors who specialize in neurodiversity.
• The search for doctors should focus on physicians who have completed specialized autism training as developmental pediatric specialists, child neurologists, and behavioral health professionals.
• You can find doctor reviews through website platforms offered by the Autism Society and Autism Speaks, which provide databases with evaluations from parents.

📌 Questions to Ask the Doctor

• “Do you have experience dealing with sensory sensitivities alongside communication differences in patients?”
• “Does your approach to conducting medical treatment for anxious children form part of your practice?”

A professional doctor actively listens to parental concerns while providing accommodating and respectful treatment to patients. Change medical providers when you encounter doctors who show arrogance or unhelpfulness in their care. Patients deserve healthcare providers who give active support.

2. Communicate Clearly & Assertively

Doctors who experience parental challenges in their practice generally do not react well due to unfamiliarity with such behavior, and some do not consider parental concerns with sufficient importance. The difference between respect and decisiveness creates the most significant impact in this situation.

📌 How to Communicate Effectively?

Use the “Repeat & Redirect” Method

Rephrase your concerns while guiding the medical discussion toward them when doctors ignore what you say.

• Example: The medical professional shared that the behavior will stop as he ages. He faces difficulties with [issue] at this moment, although it can be improved in the future. Ask what actions you can take presently to support your child.

Be Specific & Fact-Based

• • "His school performance encounters difficulties. His reaction includes loud noise sensitivity while he battles difficulties in switching between activities.”
    

Don’t Be Afraid to Say No

• • You have the right to decline medical treatment that does not seem appropriate.
  • Example: The family desires to examine different possibilities before choosing medicine as a solution.
    

Bring a Support Person if Needed

• • Medical appointments become easier when you bring someone who will support you through the visit.
  • When doctors have an additional person present, the seriousness of patient concerns might increase.

3. Know Your Child’s Rights in Healthcare

Autistic children possess legal rights in medical settings, but numerous parents fail to understand these privileges. The laws give you grounds to ask for higher-quality treatment.

📌 Key Medical Rights for Autistic Children:

• Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) Protections
  • Medical institutions must offer modifications, including quiet settings and alternative ways for patients to communicate.
• Informed Consent & Parental Advocacy
  • Your right includes both medical refusals of treatments and second medical opinion requests.
• Insurance Coverage for Autism Services
  • Many legal frameworks require insurance providers to pay for autism treatment options.

The Pro Tip advises that patients who face discrimination during medical care should submit complaints to local patient advocacy boards alongside their local ADA offices.

4. Seek Out Neurodivergent-Affirming Specialists

Expert specialists provide better care for autistic children than what regular physicians can deliver.

📌 Consider Seeking Help From:

Developmental Pediatricians – Experts in autism, ADHD, and sensory processing.

Neurologists – Have expertise in determining co-existing neuropathological conditions such as epilepsy and migraines.

Occupational Therapists (OTs) – Help with sensory integration, motor skills, and self-regulation.

Specialists who treat your child will approach them as a person rather than just examining their medical diagnosis.

5. Trust Your Instincts & Demand Respect

As your child's key authority, you have the most knowledge about them.

📌 Remember:

Your opinions are important, so never allow anyone to ignore your worries about your child's condition.

You should search for another doctor who will pay attention when your current physician is uninterested.

Support groups, advocacy organizations, and legal resources offer support to anyone experiencing the same situation.

The phenomenon of medical gaslighting exists in medical scenarios. When someone tries to make you accept an unwanted diagnosis or treatment, seek medical evaluations from two or three doctors.

Final Thoughts: The Power of Parent Advocacy

The important aspect of success is your advanced preparation through record-keeping, rights education, and asking thoughtful medical questions.

Trust your instincts for good judgment because you should question anything that seems wrong to get better medical assistance.

Children with autism need healthcare providers who will listen to them actively while creating accommodating plans and providing moral support.

Your child will receive necessary medical care when you demonstrate determination and superior preparation while searching for healthcare providers.